It honestly wouldnt help me out any. My friend has a touch-screen DELL and I used it the other day. It's not really convenient to me...it actually seems like more of a hassle. I mean, yeah, it's sensitive enough that it knows the touch or whatever...and it's really cool looking...but that's basically it. I mean, when you use a mouse, your hand is resting ON the mouse, not up in mid-air like when you use a touch screen. They basically to me are just for show, no offense to my friend who received it as a gift; I doubt it if he would've bought it himself. So yeah...

Wow, it's been a WHILE since I've been on here. I cant believe I havent posted on here since November. What have I been up to? LOL. I hope everyone had a great Christmas. I did. And New Year's I had my gallbladder taken out; that was fun! :) I go back to work tomorrow, and I'm back in the pharmacy! I'm so excited about that. I get to see all my favourite people who come in to get their medicine....whoot whoot! :) Nothing really new to report. Been learning some new things for PSP, airbrushing mainly which is great. Just wanted to post for a second! 

Ok, well, they are really icons from The Little Mermaid 3: Ariel's Beginning. I'm thinking about plugging it in and falling asleep to it, hehe. I just thought I'd share the new icons I made from some screen caps I found online. There's a lot, and they are a lot of the same pictures, but you know me, I'm not that creative, hehe. I actually dont remember if I posted any of my Little Mermaid (from the other 2 as well) icons, so I might just post them all! WHOOT WHOOT!

Keep me in your prayers. I went to the ER last night and got home at 7AM this morning. I have inflammation in my intestines, and they dont know why. I am waiting for the doctor to call me and let me know about doing a colonoscopy (FUN FUN!) So yeah. Anyways, sweet dreams everyone!

The Little Mermaid (5)
The Little Mermaid II (1)
The Little Mermaid III: Ariel's Beginning (26)


 


 
 
 
 

I have purged myself on Twilight all day today. I didnt have school, nor did I have to work.
I came across a link to where I could download Robert Pattinson's "Never Think" from the Twilight soundtrack. Oh man...he doesnt disappoint. I LOVE what EW said about his song:

ROBERT PATTINSON, ''Never Think''
I'm not going to pretend I didn't immediately skip to this track the second I dropped the preview CD into my colleague's Discman (yes, someone in our office still owns a Discman). After catching a quick bite of the beautiful Brit's folksy Whisky a Go Go performance on YouTube, I was eager to hear what the thesp would do on his first bona fide recording. He did not disappoint. The delicate guitar and laid-back vocals (compared by some to a young Jeff Buckley) would be the perfect background to Edward and Bella's post-fight reunion in the hospital. We may not be getting Pattinson's version of ''Bella's Lullaby,'' but this track leaves me wanting for nothing — well, maybe a personal serenade.

Seriously, it's amazing. Even if I HADNT heard his other songs that he did, I still would've been blown away by his voice. I cant get over it. I am absolutely in love with it.

I also listened to "Bella's Lullaby". I (and I have read a few others) am sorta disappointed with this. The song is beautiful, but, like the reviewer on EW said, it "relies too heavily on a background of lilting (but lovely) strings". It really is a beautiful song. The piano is gorgeous. I just feel like it should be more of an "Edward & Bella Love Theme" than Bella's Lullaby.
CARTER BURWELL, ''Bella's Lullaby''
The prolific film score composer (Burn After Reading, Adaptation) was tasked with creating one of the disc's most anticipated numbers: Edward's musical love letter to Bella. Unfortunately, the piano composition relies too heavily on a background of lilting (but lovely) strings to supply its emotional oomph. And at only 2:20 minutes, it will no doubt leave devoted Twilighters thirsty for more. It's like a love letter sent unsigned.

Of course we all have our thoughts on what it should and shouldnt sound like. It just doesnt sound like a 'lullaby' to me. Listening to it, makes my heart swell, and I just want to be around the one I love, cuddling up with them...but not falling asleep to it? Does that make sense? However, I DID look up the word 'lullaby' (gotta love Wikipedia). It says, "A lullaby is a soothing song, usually sung to children before they go to sleep. The idea is that the song sung by a familiar and beautiful voice will lull the child to sleep." Now what I love about their definition is: "a familiar and beautiful voice." I wonder if we'll get to hear Rob...er...Edward (hehe) hum? Could you really hear him hum that tune? REALLY? It's in my head right now...I'm so in love with the tune, but, I cant bring myself to hum it. *sigh*

Moving on:

I also came across the "kitchen scene". How had I not seen it before? I'm kinda upset I watched it, but kinda happy too? What does a true fangirl do? Do they look up all they can find, or look up nothing and WAIT? I'm really confused about that, haha. But, anyways, all I have to say is, if that is the 'official' kitchen scene, I'm THRILLED about it! If anyone's not seen it (and doesnt want to) I'm not going to post anything about it except that Emmett (shocking I would mention him, hehe) is so adorable! The littlest things that he does in the books, and they've (in my opinion) incorporated that into, well, at least this scene. And we finally get to see Esme, for those of us who've been thinking, "Is she really in it, or just being Photoshopped into these photos online?" She's honestly really adorable. I'm happy with her now! hehe. What else? Oh...I dont know. My brain is on Twilight over-load. It's taking over my life, and I'm not sure if I like that, haha.

Must look up new things online...I should be reading/studying my Bible....that's what I really should be doing! I think I'll go read for a little while.

ICON SPAM AGAIN! WHOOT WHOOT! 

My blog from a few days ago, I posted about feeling empty, like something was missing, like I had a hole and I couldnt find out what was missing. Well, I found it tonight. All the things I'd been doing, the way I was living....it wasnt for me. I found God tonight, accepted him into my heart, and I feel so blessed. I feel like the same person, but different some how. Like I have peace of mind, and that I know somewhat where I belong. Satan is screaming out loud tonight because he's lost another soul, mine will be in Heaven one day, and not in Hell where I was headed. I'm not going to preach or anything. I'm still the same person, but I know in my Heart that I am now in the right place, I have a calling, though I dont know what it is yet, and I am going to be able to follow it. Here's a song that popped into my head. Enjoy. And, if you feel like something's missing, God's always there. In your darkest hour, He WILL be there for you. He'll never leave you. I promise.

I once was lost, but now I’m found
I once was lost, but now I’m found
So far away, but I’m home now
I once was lost, but now I’m found
And now my lifesong sings

I once was blind, but now I see
I once was blind, but now I see
I don’t know how, but when He touched me
I once was blind, but now I see

And now my lifesong sings
And now my lifesong sings
And now my lifesong sings

I once was dead, but now I live
I once was dead, but now I live
Now my life to You I give
Now my life to You I give
Now my life to You I give

Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Let my lifesong sing to You
-And Now My Lifesong Sings by  Casting Crowns

I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me. Philippians 4:13

I have to thank Leah for this. She got me into it a while back and I've not been on it in a while, and so, I thought, "Hey, why not?" :) So I went on Polyvore. It's such a fun site to be on. If you've never been on it, go on it! You'll enjoy it! 

In other news, my apologies for my 'emo blog' I posted the other day.

Now to the other part of the subject: I made a collage yesterday. I FINALLY found my misplaced pictures from May. I was soooo excited (still am). Now I'm all about picture frames and stuff, but you know what? Picture frames take up WAY too much space (which is not something I have extra, because I have way too much junk in my room...Fall cleaning anyone? ) I was trying to figure out what to do with my pictures, and I glanced at my desk. I noticed how bare it was, the open part behind my laptop. Then, a light bulb came on. *LIGHTBULB* Why not fill that empty space with my pictures? So that's what I did. I have to say, I'm rather excited about it. It looks really good. I didnt put up pictures of my friends on it; this one is my 'family' collage, haha. Mainly pictures of my little cousins I have taken; I do have 2 pictures up, one with my little brother and the other with my older brother. The rest are pictures of my cousins. Yeah, I'm in some, but mainly they are alone. SO LOVING IT! Haha. What? Of course I'm going to share a picture of my collage! Just click it to make it bigger :) Yeah, it's a link to my dA account, but that way you'll be able to see it, and, scroll down, and you can see the zoomed in version of both sides :) Like I said, I'm really excited and I just had to share it.

Now I'm going to attempt to go to sleep. I've slept all day just about; been sick. BLAH. Enjoy the rest of your weekend everyone! *huggles*

You ever wake up one day and realize, "I'm not happy with the way my life is going". Things that used to matter dont anymore, things that brought so much joy to your life seem insignificant and joyless now. One thing can make you happy, and that one thing you cant have, like you want it anyways.
I've realized that even though I'm in the computer engineering program, and I'd probably be good at it, it's not what I want to do. What I want to do more than anything in the whole world is to be a photographer. To capture moments for people to be able to share with others and cherish for the rest of their lives. To bring joy to people by capturing those special moments, keeping a split second of it frozen in time forever for them. THAT is what I want to do. I dont have a special camera. My camera is a regular digital camera, nothing fancy, just something to take pictures. But when I have it in my hand, I feel like a completely different person. I feel like, well, I'm happy and sad at the same time. Happy because I enjoy it, and sad because I enjoy it, and know I cant do that the rest of my life.
I'm taking the pharmacy technician class online at school so that I can get a certificate so I can take the national certification exam and become certified. What does that mean? More money. That's all things are about these days: MONEY MONEY MONEY MONEY MONEY MONEY. Screw whether you are actually *gasp* happy at what you do; it's all about how much money you make, because you cant live on 20 dollars a day anymore. I have bills that I cant even seem to pay with what little I make. Is school really THAT important? I've all but thought of dropping out, getting the cerficiation and just working full-time to get rid of those bills I have now. But of course I cant do that. Of course not. Because even what I would make then full-time wouldnt be enough. It's never enough. Being in debt the rest of your life. That's the struggles 90% of America faces today. It's probably more than that.
I'm getting depressed again. I feel it. And yet, I cant 'afford' to be depressed. How sad is that? I cant afford to not to want to go to work, because I could lose my job, a job I love and need. I cant afford it because I cant afford to NOT be in school. I cant afford it because they'd want to 'treat' it, and I cant afford medication for that.
I feel like something's missing in my life. I dont know what it is, but something is missing. I feel every day like I have this huge hole in me and nothing will fill it up. Empty, incomplete....it makes no sense. How can someone like me feel this way? I act EXTREMELY happy at work; it's not even funny how happy I act. Like I have nothing to complain about. I try my best to be optimistic around those who complain, when in all actuality I want to complain myself. But I feel like, because I havent been there as long as they have, I have no right to complain, and that, if I do complain, they'll get rid of me. And I NEED the job I have. I enjoy it and I NEED it and want to keep it, because, it's so hard to find a job.
*sigh* the day in the life of a 21 year old college student. Does it ever get better? I mean, really? 

*insert evil laugh here* I've actually been able to make icons! YAY! I dont know if I've posted 'em on here before...I'm too lazy to go back...anywho, here ya go! :)

Twilight (18)
 -Rosalie & Emmett (2)
 -Carlisle & Esme (1)
 -Carlisle (2)
 -Esme (2)
 -Alice (8)
 -Rosalie (3)
Kellan Lutz (18)
Nikki Reed (1)
-Kellan & Nikki (1)
Cam Gigandet (5)
Jackson Rathbone (7)
Robert Pattinson (4)

 






 

FINALLY some PROOF that Esme is in the movie! Jeez....no footage of her anywhere, and now, we have PROOF! The new trailer is AWESOME, and who actually appears? Why...that would be da momma! :) His Golden Eyes has put up stills and there's 2 of her...CLEAR...actually her, not just her nose, or eyes, or half an ear! WHOOT! I dont know if I'll be able to put the pics up with the links from HGE, I'm gonna try though! How excited am I? Pretty damn excited! WHOOT!

"Dont hide your feelings. Let others know where you stand."
That's the fortune that I got in a fortune cookie 2 years ago. I hide my feelings somewhat because I dont want to get hurt (as we all do at some time or another), I cant even post things on here that I want to because I dont want to throw everything out there on the internet. Afraid of what people will think, even though there is a really good chance that I'll never meet them, in person at least. Tonight I did something, and I'm so proud of myself for doing it.
I've been seeing my ex for a few months now, not really 'seeing' but we talk on the phone some and hang out. And tonight, after much deliberation in my head, and with my best friend, I finally came out and told him that, if the possibility ever arose for us to give 'us' another try, I'd be willing to do it, and I wanted to know what he thought. Of course I wasnt expecting him to say something like, "Let's do that NOW" or anything like that. He's my ex, but I'm not his most recent ex. He just ended an engagement back in....May I think? Possibly...I dont know...probably a lot earlier than that but I dont know .And we've been talking and hanging out like I said, and, I know it sounds like it was probably 'old' feelings coming back, but it's not. It's new ones. I love how I feel when I'm with him and I'm tired of hiding that. He did tell me that, of course not right now because he enjoys being single, and he just didnt have time for a girl friend right now, but 'who knows what the future holds' were his words. He then, of course, clarified that, and, after thinking, he said, "yes...if it arose for me and you to date again, I would." So that's somewhat comforting. I'm not upset, like I would've been years ago. I'm...happy? Not really happy so much because of what he said, but, just happy that I threw it out there, and, stood my ground. GO ME! 

Of course, I'm sure, in the long run, it probably wont end up the way I want it (now at least) but at least I didnt keep my feelings to myself, and I wont get stomped on...does that make sense? I dont wear my heart on my sleeves...I dont trust people easily, when relationships are concerned, but, like I said, I made myself known and I feel 100% better because of it.

Shocking that I've actually had time to do some stuff! YAY! Go me! I thought I'd share. Here's the thumbnail to the picture I colorized. I'll link back to Doctor Macro if they upload it. And also my icons.

Kristen Stewart (9)
Victoria Beckham (2)
Rachel McAdams (11)

Ginger Rogers Colorized

I wonder if anyone else imagines taking events from their life and thinking, "Hey, I could probably write a story about this." Anyone? Anywhere? I know that authors do that stuff all the time, but I'm talking about anyone I know who might come across this. I think about it sometimes, think about writing a post on here but instead of writing a 'blog' writing it like, a character would write in their journal? Does that make sense? I dunno....it's weird

And please someone explain to me WHY our hormones are SO elevated right before it's time for us to start (girls, that is). Sorry, TMI I know but I dont care! I mean, the littlest things set me off. I was bawling my eyes out last night and well, something kind of provoked it, but nothing that, had it been possibly last week, the week before the week I was supposed to start, it wouldnt have bothered me....why is PMS SO powerful? Hehe...and I'm such a bitch too...sometimes I think of going to the doctor to see if he can prescribe me something to keep my nerves under control...can they do that? 


I'm possibly thinking of getting even more personal in here...but I think I'll pass until the next time. If I start posting really weird stuff, just ignore it....it may be me, it may be my 'character' posting....until then! Here's a photo I took today! 

You Are a Fork


You are truthful, direct, and straight forward
People find your honesty to be a bit piercing at times.
You are driven and wildly ambitious.
You know what you want, and you take the most direct path to getting it.
What Utensil Are You?

Saturday afternoon, my cousin called my cell phone. I answered. She asked me, "Do you remember Adam Howard, who we went to school with?" I said, ".....yes....why?" My heart had already fallen to my stomach. Then she said the dreaded words: "He died today. He went skydiving and his parachute didnt open." He was just 21 years old.

Of course I remembered him! We had classes together, in fact, in our senior English class, Adam, myself, my cousin and 2 other people in our class were in a group for a project we had to do. I'll never forget it. It was absolutely hilarious. We had just finished reading Macbeth (or Hamlet...ok, so I did forget certain parts), and our teacher assigned us to groups. We had to put together a skit showing the certain parts of the play, like, the certain acts. Well, our group decided to do a 'game show'. I didnt have a costume, and I didnt mind doing most of the talking, so, I was the game show host. Adam was a firefighter, Casey (my cousin) was a nun, Jessica (the other girl in our group) was a nurse, and Scott (the other boy) was a nudist on strike (in other words: he wore just regular clothes....and a hat! :) ) We borrowed buzzers from the Quiz Bowl team to use as our buzzers, Casey had made signs with everyone's names on it, kinda like they look on Jeopardy...it was really funny...we did more laughing than anything, just simply because of how we all looked, etc.

That's the only TRUE memory I have of him, for the simple reason, I KNEW him, but we werent like, the best of friends. We had classes together, the occasional "Hey"...but not anything else. And I always liked him as a person...the one thing about him that stuck out in my mind was his smile. He had that smile that just was a genuine smile, you knew he actually meant it when he smiled....

I wasnt able to go to his funeral last night because I had to work, but I DID go to the burial service today. When I arrived at the cemetary, there was a fire engine on each side of the road in the cemetary. They had the backs to each other, the ladders were out, and there was an American flag drapped over them. (Adam was a volunteer firefighter; Captain, as I later found out). When I got to the graveside, I heard bagpipes playing. I looked and there were MANY, I cant even describe how many firefighters were there, standing there, facing each other, one each side of a path, making a pathway for the casket to go through. The casket was on the fire engine Adam drove, and the pallbearers were all firefighters he worked with, one of which we graduated with. They brought the casket through, and the family followed. They placed the casket on the straps over the vault, and the family came in, sat down and we all were asked to come closer to the tent. The pastor from his church spoke, read a passage and then prayed. Then, they did the 'last call' for him. I've tried to Google it to see exactly what they say; of course everything was a blur today and I dont remember it. But it was something along the lines of "Attention: this is the last call for Captain Adam Howard." After that, everyone lost it...I dont mean like, sniffling, I mean like out loud bawling. It was so sad. His casket was draped with an American flag, and that was presented to his mother.

I remembered reading at the end of his obituary in the paper a Bible verse, and it is my favourite Bible verse. They read it out loud today at the service, and then I found out it was his favourite verse as well. John 15:13- Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends.
They put that on the vault, along with his name, and a photo of the engine he drove, and the firefighter's symbol. They also put a picture of the engine on one end of the casket and the firefighter's symbol on the other. His uniform was laid out in front of the family.

Remember this family in your prayers.

So I was sitting at my computer, wondering what icons to make, and it dawned on me: why havent I made any Kellan Lutz icons??? Anyways, I made a few today! :) Here ya go! :)



 

I've made a few new icons too. I was sitting a Burger King today and thought, "What the hell" So, here they are! Also some recent ones I made last week! haha! 

Jennifer Garner (3)
Christina Aguilera (31)
Aishwarya Rai (4)

So I'm sitting in the library (my haven) at school, killing time before I have to leave to go to the orientation for the Pharmacy Technician class I'm going to be taking. I'm not nervous, because, I know I can do it. Of course, if one saw me, I would look nervous, not because I am, but because I am shivering due to the over used air conditioning upstairs. It's honestly FREEZING up here. My nose is cold....my hair is even cold! Is that normal? I think not! Anyways, I just got finished taking a practice test online because I've got a test tomorrow in my DC/AC class tomorrow and I AM nervous about that. I missed class last week and we finished up the chapter and I was totally lost yesterday. But when I looked in the opening of the chapter, there was a website and there's a lot of practice stuff on there. I got an 82 or 86 or something on the test, ONLY because 1 of the questions, I clicked the wrong answer (and had actually gotten the right answer) and the other one, because I thought I had to convert it and I didnt..so..yay. go me! haha. I just had to share my sense of accomplishment with people who read this.

I looked at the schedule at work today and I have like, this weekend and the following 2 weekends OFF...WEIRD...*shrug* This Thursday, me and a couple of people I work with are going out to Ham's, where I'm sure I will once again be forced to sing karaoke. Hey, I won last time...maybe I'll win again? haha. JK! I doubt it. But it's gonna be fun. We're trying to make it a weekly thing which is really cool.

And now, for my Twilighter moment of the week: So I am walking up the stairs in the library because I'd rather be upstairs where no one can bother me, and I can concentrate better. I walk into the room where the desk cubicle things are, and I put my bags down and just happen to glance to the right: I see a familiar face on a poster...it's a READ poster. And, of course, I go to investigate. As I get closer, I see that my suspicions are TRUE and it IS the Twilight READ poster. EEEEP!!! It looks even better in person....I didnt go THAT close to it...I really need to, but...EEEEP! It's at my school's library, in a city where like practically no one knows what the hell Twilight is, unless you say, "You know, that black book with the hands holding an apple on the cover?" And still they know nothing about it. And so, I have to say, I feel a sense of pride! haha! I saw a lady who works in here, and I asked her if they got rid of the READ posters after having them up for a while. She said there were some downstairs from the past couple of years and all I had to do was ask someone if I could have 1 (or a few) and she didnt see any reason why I coudnt. Unfortunately, this one is NEW so it'll be a while before it's available. I mean, I REALLY want it. I'd love to have the Orlando Bloom READ poster too. I'm an avid reader myself, so, I think I deserve one! mwahahahahahaha!

I also bout the Twilight shirt from Hot Topic, the group picture. Got it home and the thing is too friggin big! I'm so pissed. I tried to shrink it but of course, that didnt happen...*sigh* It still looks good on me. Haha. Rob's face was peering over my vest at work yesterday! Mwahahahaha! Ok, that' s enough for now! Later taters! 

NAW! Not the last journal....dont fret...I will annoy you MORE! Mwahahahaha...

The subject of my post concerns work, actually. I looked on the schedule at work today, and tonight was the last night I had to work the front register/close the store...for a while at least. For the next like, 2 weeks or so, I am going to be in the pharmacy. *dances* It makes me really happy, because I LOVE LOVE LOVE being in the pharmacy, haha. I mean, I like greeting/ringing up customers at the front register, BUT, I feel 'more at home' in the pharmacy, because that's like, all I know, haha. So yeah....RIP that! :-) Tonight at work wasnt too bad, because like, a lot of people thought we were closed and stuff, so we actually got out at a decent time. Pretty cool. I actually got ALL my stuff done tonight, yay me! Haha. What else....uhm...OH! This past weekend...oooooo...lol. It was FUN FUN FUN times. If anyone has me on their MySpace or Facebook, there are pictures posted...it was FUN and really uhm....well, just fun as hell. Friday night, we (my friends Andy, Ash, Drew, & me) went out to a bar that has karaoke like, almost every Friday night. Ash, Drew, & me, (Drashany as we are now known, haha) sung "Heaven" by DJ Sammy...we wanted to sing "Bleeding Love" because we can sing the crap outta that song...we didnt see it in the book, but, found out later, that they had it...we'll sing it next time. I gotta post the video of us practicing. We did sing it a capella in the cab ride on the way home, and I did video some of that. The cab driver said, "Yeah yeah...y'all sound pretty good." I said, "Pretty good? We sound friggin awesome!" haha. It was fun. Uhm....then Saturday night we had a party at Drew's...it was intense...but we had lots of fun. Again, pictures...wow...lol.

Let's see...OH! I finally listened to "I Kissed a Girl" by Katy Perry, and, sadly, I like it. Haha. It's really a fun song to listen to. I went to one of my friends' MySpace pages, and they had "Use Your Love" by Katy Perry as their song. So I was like, "OMG, wow"  and HAD to download it. And I did, and I loved her voice. Then, I looked just her up and saw that she was the one who sang "I Kissed a Girl" and thought, "Sure, I'll downlod it" and I actually didnt listen to it, but the music video just happened to come on Saturday morning, so I watched it, and I was like, "WOW..that's a really good song, actually." She has a beautiful voice...so yeah, just had to share that too.

I have to be to work at 8AM tomorrow morning because I start my on-campus job. I'll be working from like 8AM-11AM (or 12PM) Monday thru Thursday in the Health Science building as like, one of the instructors' secretary. I'm gonna TRY to do it. I think I can handle it but I dont know...I'm hoping.

I think that's all for now....here's the link to my YouTube account so anyone can check out those videos from this weekend...mwahahahahaha! Until later! xoxoxoxox